Well, I know very well what it’s like to be a low key. it’s been three years since I first wrote anything on this blog, I haven’t written much and most of these are very complex to comprehend in general and reflect some kind of absurdity in itself.
Aren’t we all absurd in one way or other, well I am. I know I don’t have much inspiration or will to write anything except the last message I wish to write here, this blog actually helped me in many ways, I used to write more than I have published, I didn’t publish all of them, many drafts are still unpublished, I never had the courage to publish maybe because I never wanted to change the course what people think or know about me through this. Mostly strangers read this than the people who knew me. it’s the irony of life that we are so much afraid of giving the wrong impression to someone we don’t even know because we are taught in this cut throat world that the first impression is the last impression and, I am no exception.
Writing is very powerful tool for me so does people who were close to me and who are close to me even today. I still read sometimes and it’s all fresh up why I wrote, when I wrote, What I wrote, some are beautiful and some are painful. I found misery my inimical companion who motivated me to write things and so does few people and then there were incidents. At one point whenever my blog used to get published one of my friend was able to guess something odd must have happened.
I had light peach color room when I was around 10-12. I have memories of months maybe march or April, we used to have final terms, I used to come after giving exam and lie down in my bed and turn on the fan, The air from fan was visible, the smell, fragrance of starting summer and that calmness for few minutes and even at worse times if that march smell stuck me it all, refreshes me and I am able to experience all over it again.
I really like when someone write something for me or for themselves, I shared this March feeling and someone did write something for me particularly what they feel about my sharing, it’s one of the best gifts I ever got.
Recently I visited Mcleodganj in winters, I wrote everything in a diary and later gifted it someone and response I got was priceless though brief but it was meaningful for me. the writing was one of the ways for me to understand what surrounding and people around me are talking and why everyone matters and why the world wants me to understand. Though it’s all chemical reaction and brain drama that makes us philosophical and absurd. Giving TIME is the biggest thing a person can give, we have less time and I don’t regret much where my time has gone but I really think it was where it was destined Right, Hey Nobody is GOD.
I still don’t know what I want from my life if it has meant I understand that rather than finding peace and happiness, Many life many masters and everything we touch surely dies sooner or later.
I met a friend in April 2012 and in a day it was strange, I was able to establish the simpatico relationship with the person. and it changed my life for years to come, it’s the fifth year and life is different for me since then. Not that I became popular or something, but it helped me to explore myself, I did try many things all these years and everything is worth for me when I look back at it. But impermanence is a thing, I can’t go on exploring myself someday we need to stop, sometimes things make us stop and sometimes we stop ourselves because it becomes difficult to go on further for the various reason. I still have a companion named misery but also a companion of peace both keep the check on each other, it’s Hilarious when someone listens or read such thing.
I blogged for myself, neither I was very expressive nor I wanted to make money, I am glad none of them actually happened and Time is gone, It’s been three years.
Few things I wish to tell as last of me!
.accept yourself as you are. Accept nothing is permanent and you are not immortal. don’t make someone more important than yourself you just have one life or go with bob marley philosophy of life. but don’t stand in between you will lose the track.
And you must have heard the song “Let her go” so understand this
Well you only need the light when it’s burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go…
Thank you goodbye!